Sexual embarrassment: definition and how to overcome it
According to many studies, a good part of the population feels sexual shame of one kind or another. That means that unfortunately there are many people who cannot enjoy their sexuality because of that shame. If you want to know more, you’re in the right place. We are not only going to explain what it is, but we are also going to tell you how to overcome it and enjoy it to the fullest.
What is sexual embarrassment?
When we talk about sexual shame, we are referring to those situations in which a person does not feel in tune with what they think their sexuality should be. This feeling may arise from the perception that he or she does not meet certain standards, such as not having the idealized body that society imposes, not making sounds that he or she considers attractive, or not feeling or expressing desires that conform to what is considered “normal” or socially acceptable.
Sexual shame is a specific manifestation of a broader emotion: shame, which along with guilt and pride, is part of the so-called self-conscious emotions. These emotions are deeply linked to our perception of ourselves and how we believe others see us. In the case of sexual shame, this arises when a person makes a negative assessment of his or her own sexuality, either in comparison with others or in relation to certain social norms or expectations.
This negative self-evaluation may not always be conscious. On many occasions, it manifests as an uncomfortable and unpleasant emotion that seems to come out of nowhere, but is actually rooted in beliefs or thoughts that remain hidden from the conscious mind. These emotions, although they may seem fleeting, have a profound impact on the decisions a person subsequently makes. For example, someone who feels sexual shame may avoid situations where they feel vulnerable or exposed, thus limiting their freedom to explore and enjoy their sexuality fully.
Why do we feel shame in sex?
The problem in many occasions is that society through movies and porn makes us think that only one prototype of person is valid. And it is that prototype what makes shame a reality.
So that you can realize that reality we are going to show some of the most common embarrassments that are usually given.
Genitals: according to the latest studies, many people look for the perfect genitals because they have seen them on the screen. For example, men look for large, thick penises. In the case of women, they look for perfect and beautiful lips taking into account the canons imposed by society. But it is important to make it clear that normality is not that. In addition, perfection does not mean that the pleasure will be superior, in many occasions it is the opposite.
Beauty: everyone seeks to have a perfect body and when they do not have it, they try to hide it so that others do not see that lack of “perfection”. Men always look for a big and muscular body, while women look for curves. But a perfect body is not always synonymous with maximum pleasure.
Sexuality: it is completely normal for the body to generate fluids, emit sounds or make movements that may not be the most “attractive”. This is natural and expected, although the porn industry has imposed certain ideas about which fluids are “acceptable” and which are not. For example, squirt is often romanticized, while situations such as involuntary urine leakage are viewed with less acceptance, although in reality both phenomena are quite similar. The important thing to remember is that all these aspects are part of the real sexual experience and should not generate shame.
Porn role: Porn often only focuses on penetration, but it is important to note that there are many other things that play a role.
Cultural vision: some people may think that sex is something bad, usually that belief is linked to the education they have received. In this case we must open our minds and be aware of the reality that sexuality is not only not bad, but beneficial in many ways.
Performance: porn has imposed on us the positions and the time we have to last during the relationship. This creates a performance anxiety that can cause the relationship to be inadequate. It is necessary to eliminate those fears and ideas and everything will be much easier.
What happens when you suffer from sexual shame?
It has been shown through different studies that people who suffer sexual shame tend to inhibit their desires. That means that sexual experience will not be as satisfying as it should be.
Because of shame what we do is to label as something negative what we have and that in reality is something normal. In other words, we reject who we are and that is not good in any way.
When shame makes an appearance it is normal that we try to stay away from things that are linked to sex for fear of being rejected or other fears.
Tips for losing shame in sex
To enjoy sex to the fullest it is important to lose shame and accept yourself as you are. The reality is very different from what is sold in porn and consequently it is much easier to enjoy.
To overcome sexual shame, first identify and understand what you feel, analyzing in what contexts and with whom it manifests itself. As you gain experience, you will get to know your preferences and how your body reacts, which will strengthen your self-esteem and reduce shame.
Avoid comparing yourself to others and question notions of normality by seeking information and challenging your beliefs. Talk to people you trust about your experiences to find out that others have gone through similar situations, but choose carefully who you confide your feelings to. Interacting with open-minded people will allow you to learn new ways to explore and understand your sexuality.
Also, seek out reference groups that share your concerns or identities, such as communities that promote body positivity or forums about your likes and fetishes, to normalize what you are uncomfortable with.